1.Birthdays aren’t as fun when you’re older, but fortunately you don’t have many more to go.
2.I wanted to give you a funny card, but I was concerned that at your age you might pee yourself.
3.Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the more you have, the longer you live.
4.Happy birthday to someone who has seen it all, done it all, and doesn’t remember a lick of it.
5.They say age is just a number. For you, it’s a really, really big number. Happy birthday!
6.I was going to poke fun at how old you’re getting on your birthday, but fortunately for you I was raised to respect my elders.
7.This year, may you always get up off the couch in two tries or less.
8.Happy birthday, dear friend. Now cash that social security check and let’s party like crazy!
9.Happy birthday! Remember, be nice to your kids because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
10.You know you’re old when your back goes out more than you do. I wish you the happiest of birthdays, falling asleep in your rocking chair!
11.If you find your new age hard to swallow, just add some tequila. That should do the trick.
12.A very happy birthday to someone who is now taking drugs on their birthday for actual serious medical reasons.
13.Happy birthday! But seriously, take it easy on the birthdays. Doctors agree that too many just might kill you.
14.I’m not going to make any age jokes because I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.
15.I didn’t get you anything for your birthday because I wasn’t sure what you wanted. At your age, it usually… Depends.
16.May you get as much praise and attention on your birthday as the average millennial feels entitled to every day.
17.Live each day as if it were your last… because at your age, it just might be.
18.If you get stumbling-drunk for your birthday tonight, remember to wrap yourself in bubble wrap because people at your age break more easily.
19.Happy birthday to someone who truly deserves to be treasured. After all, fossils from your era are hard to find.
20.I’m going to take you out to dinner for your birthday – do you think you can get us all the senior discount?!?
21.You’re so old that if I told you to act your age, you’d probably drop dead.
22.Relax, you’re not getting old. That ship has sailed – you’ve been old for quite a while now.
23.Did you know that there’s a prize for getting older? Yep – you get atrophy.
24.Age is a relative thing. All your relatives keep reminding you how old you are.
25.Getting older has some benefits… Call it a “senior moment” and you can get away with just about anything!
26.Isn’t it a great feeling knowing you’re so old there’s nothing left to learn the hard way?
27.It’s amazing that at our age, we still don’t need glasses. That’s because we drink straight from the bottle. Cheers on your birthday!
28.As you get older, don’t bother eating healthy food; go for packaged junk. You’re going to need all the preservatives you can get.
29.They say that with old age comes wisdom. That must mean you’re the wisest person in the world!
30."I can't read, I can't write and the teacher won't even let me talk!" she said.
31.I know you don’t like attention on your birthday. I just wanted to send you a quick birthday message to cheer you up by reminding you that, thankfully, there aren’t many left.
32.You’re so old you walked into an antique store and they tried to sell you.
33.Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of keeping you from shock when you go by a mirror.
34.You don’t actually get smarter as you get older. There’s just less stupid stuff left to do that you haven’t already done.
35.Don’t you wish that you were as old as the first time you thought you were old?
36.Allow me to suggest that this is the year you start lying about your age.
37.I’m not saying you’re old, but if you were whiskey you’d be expensive. Really expensive.
38.For your birthday, I wanted to get you something to remind you of your youth. But they were all out of cave art and dinosaur bones, so I just got you this card. Happy birthday!
39.You’re officially too old to drop it like it’s hot. So how about you just sit down like it’s warm.