1.“I know you said you wanted to start dressing up more. My bad, I assumed you meant evening gowns and not hospital gowns.”
2.“How many cancer patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but they have a big support group cheering them on. We’re all here for you!”
3.“Mom, I know you always thought my collection of colorful wigs was silly. Who’s silly now? But don’t worry, you can borrow any of them.”
4.“It turns out I’m a lot more productive when you aren’t in the office to entertain me. I hate being productive. Please come back soon.”
5.“I’m sorry about all the side effects of your cancer treatment. Being so sick all the time sucks. On the plus side, I bet chemotherapy means you won’t have to shave your legs as much? So that’s cool.”
6.“Nineties fashion is very in right now. Try not to feel sad about losing your hair. We’ve always talked about how you’d work the riot grrrl look. Here’s your chance!”
7.“I know we complain about how cramped our cubicle is. But it feels kind of lonely in there without you invading my personal space. Looking forward to you coming back.”
8.“I bought you these healing crystals. I don’t think they actually do anything. But they’re pretty, and they make great weapons. I thought you’d appreciate that.”
9.“When we talked about you retiring early, this isn’t exactly how I pictured it. Let’s focus on getting you well so your retirement can be a little more traditional.”
10.“Want to hear a terrible joke? Okay, here we go. ‘Did you hear about the bee who had a tumor? Don’t worry - it was BEE-nign.”
11.“I decided to take a sick day today to stay home and hang out with you. I know I’m not the one who’s sick, but since we’re related I figured it would be close enough. We can do whatever you want.”
12.“The ladies from accounting who go power-walking at lunch keep trying to get me to join them. I need you to come back so we can eat candy and pretend to be busy.”
13.“Sis, I know you’re stressed out about losing your hair, but look on the bright side. Nothing could look worse than the haircut you got after you got gum in your hair in fifth grade. That bald spot was epic.”
14.“I’ve been trying to think of positive things to say about your upcoming mastectomy. The best thing I can come up with is that you’re going to save a fortune on bras. Seriously, I know this is going to be a huge challenge for you. But I hope you know that you’re still going to be a beautiful person inside and out.”
15.“I know you have been talking about slowing down and working less. I just wish this wasn’t the way it happened! Did you wish on a monkey’s paw? Sometimes it seems like the universe has a terrible sense of humor.”
16.“I know you’ve been talking for a while about taking an extended vacation to spend time with the family. We wish you were taking a break from work under better circumstances! Even though we hate the reason, we’re so glad to be here with you right now.”
17.“Dad, I know that it wasn’t easy for you going bald in your thirties. But on the plus side, now you don’t have to worry about losing your hair during treatment! I know you hate hair loss jokes, but I’m going to keep making them. I know you would hate for me to treat you differently just because you’re sick.”
18.“I remember when we were in high school and you used to threaten to beat up my boyfriends if they mistreated me. The overprotective big brother thing used to bug me, but now I’m happy. Because I know you’re going to use that combativeness to beat cancer.”
19.“I know I used to complain when you dragged me out to all those cardio kickboxing classes. But now I’m glad you did. With your upper-cut and my roundhouse kick, I know that we are strong enough to kick cancer’s butt together.”
20.“I know you’ve been dealing with a lot, but you’ve missed out on a lot of excitement at the office. We’ve finally caught the notorious lunch thief! It was Joe from accounting. He tried laying low for a while. But he just couldn’t resist the siren song of Sue’s leftover brisket.”
21.“We miss you around the office. That being said, we’ve noticed that no one’s leaving the empty coffee pot on the burner anymore. We always suspected you were the Coffee Bandit and this confirmed it for a lot of people.”
22.“I remember when you used to hold up the thermometer to a light bulb so you could pretend you had a fever to get out of school. I was hoping this was a scheme you had cooked up to get out of work! I wish you weren’t going through this, but I’m here to support you in any way I can.”
23.“You’ve always been the strongest person I know. I keep hearing people telling you that you should be strong through this. I want to reassure you that you don’t have to be the strong one this time. We can help you carry the burden.”
24.“I was just thinking about how we used to sneak around and smoke weed during lunch period back in high school. Now we can start again and do it right out in the open! I know you’re the one with cancer, but I’ll do it too. You know, to give you moral support. It’s the least I can do.”
25.“Our weekly conference calls are still painfully tedious. But I know they pale in comparison to what you’re going through. We’re looking forward to having you back in the office. Listening to those calls isn’t the same without you rolling your eyes and making faces.”
26.“I never realized how annoying all our other coworkers were until you weren’t here every day. I want you to get better soon because I care about you. But I also want you to get better so I don’t have to deal with everyone else by myself anymore.”
27.“The boss has finally realized that Mike was always taking credit for your work. With you being absent, everyone’s noticed that Mike doesn’t know what he’s doing. I’d say I wish you were here to see it unfold, but if you were here it wouldn’t be happening.”
28.“If you didn’t want to come to my wedding, you could have just said so! You didn’t have to go through all of this. I didn’t think the bridesmaid dresses I picked out were THAT bad! Seriously though, just focus on getting better. Seeing you healthy again is the only wedding gift I want.”
29.“I’m sorry that chemo has been so hard on you. I haven’t seen you this sick since college. At least then, you got to have a fun night at the bar before suffering from nausea! Once you beat this, let’s go out for a drink like we did in the old days.”
30.“They say that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down. I don’t know if there’s a big enough spoon to make this treatment more palatable. Maybe a ladle would work better? In the meantime, I brought you your favorite smoothie. I know you’ve had some difficulty eating, so I hope this helps a little.”