1.“Why do they rate a movie R for adult language? The only people I hear using that language are teenagers.”
2.“I hate how Friday is so far away from Monday but Monday is so close to Friday.”
3.“Dear pimples, if you are going to live on my face, I am going to need to see some rent…”
4.“Excuse me, Doctor? Is there anything you can give me for a condition called parenting teenagers?”
5.“Parenting a teenage daughter is like having a cat. They only come out to eat and hisses at you if you try to pet it.”
6.“I can’t clean my room but I CAN spend an hour trying to get the perfect profile photo.”
7.“Of course the teacher thinks this test is easy, she already knows all the answers!”
8.“These days you just text someone that you’re outside their house instead of going up to knock”
9.“Wifi went down today so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.”
10.“My neighbors loved the music so much when I turned it up, that they invited the police to listen.”
11.“I never think of good comebacks during the argument, I come up with them hours later…when I’m in the shower”
12.“Chocolate comes from cocoa, which comes from a tree, which makes it a plant….my point is chocolate is a salad”
13.“That Awkward moment when you have to get over someone you were never even dating.”
14.“I always feel like I’m an adult until it’s time to go to the doctors and they ask me what’s wrong…and I always turn to look at my mom to answer for me.”
15.“Why can I remember hundreds of lyrics to music but can’t remember a math equation?”
16.“Facebook is my friend. YouTube is my voice. Google is my brain. Twitter is my heart.”
17.“I say that I stay hydrated…what I mean is I drink one cup of water and 6 gallons of iced coffee.”