1.I’m Irish and Catholic. See my picture in the dictionary next to the word “guilt.”
2.When a twig grows hard, it is difficult to twist it. Every beginning is weak.
3.The reason the Irish are always fighting each other is they have no other worthy opponents.
4.There are only two kinds of people in the world, the Irish and those who wish they were.
5.Here’s that we may always have a clean shirt, a clean conscience, and a punt in our pocket.
6.I complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
7.An Irish method for tackling problems. There comes a time when you must take the bull by the tail and face the situation squarely.
8.As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
9.Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbor. It makes you shoot at your landlord, and it makes you miss him.
10.Here’s to a long life and a merry one. A quick death and an easy one. A pretty girl and an honest one. A cold pint and another one!
11.There are good ships and wood ships, ships that sail the sea, but the best ships are friendships, and may they always be.
12.St. Patrick was a gentleman. Who, through strategy and stealth, drove all the snakes from Ireland. Here’s toasting to his health. But not too many toastings. Lest you lose yourself and then forget the good St. Patrick and see all those snakes again.