1.”I wish you can resist temptation to gorge on burgers during snack breaks. Happy New Year!”
2.“Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.”
3.“May this New Year bring actual change in you – not the recurrence of old habits in a new package.”
4.“Wasted another year and will waste more, but thank god I am doing this with you. Happy new year!”
5.“Flip a coin… If the head comes, I am yours, if the tail comes then you are mine. Happy new year.”
6.“Though I am wishing you a very happy New Year, remember you still have the same old louse of a spouse!”
7.“May your dreams get fulfilled as well as your bills. Best of luck with the New Year, dear.”
8.“May this new year bring you more money so that you can buy expensive gifts for me. Happy new year!”
9.“New Year’s Eve is finally here, where we can be drunk in public and no one minds. That’s why it’s the best holiday!”
10.“I would quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”
11.“Have told so many friends “Don’t worry, New Year will be better!“. I love misguiding people.”
12.“Happy New Year! I don’t know about you, but my New Year resolves to stop feeling guilty about not keeping last year’s resolution.”
13.“I saved you from spending a fortune on a New Year’s party – I sent you an invitation for an online party!”
14.“I’m so excited for the new year. Unfortunately, I don’t have any resolutions to make since I’m already perfect.”
15.“If I had done you wrong, I am sorry. May you still give me a chance this New Year to do it over and over again. Happy New Year!”
16.“I will try to be more understanding, less critical, more thoughtful, and less annoying this year. Enjoy the brand new year!”
17.“Let us celebrate this New Year’s Eve in honor of the time we successfully wasted this year.”
18.“I’m gonna order a pizza five minutes before the new year and when they arrive I will say, “I ordered this a year ago!””
19.“May your trips and tricks work amazing for you in this upcoming year. Stay sane and safe.”
20.“New years are like pages in a book that’s so boring. You always think that the next page will be interesting, but it turns out to be the same every time. Happy New Year!”
21.“I hope that I will be with a woman other than you this New Year. I am tired of being your boyfriend. I think I want to try being your husband instead.”
22.“I wish God give you more money to help the poor and less money to spend on junk foods. Wishing you a healthy and disease-free year!”
23.“Sorry for all the annoying behavior I did through the year. May you give me another chance to do that in the next New Year!”
24.“This Year may your hair and teeth, your face-lift, abs and stocks not fall, may your blood pressure, your cholesterol, white blood count and mortgage interest not rise. Happy New Year!”
25.“Remember when we were younger and just wanted to stay up on New Year’s Eve? Now all we want to do is sleep!”
26.“People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.”
27.“Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
28.“The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.”
29.“Last year’s resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Only 30 pounds to go.”
30.“I hope this year ends up with your smiling selfie to see on the Facebook posts. Wish you a bright and joyful New Year!”
31.“New years are like restart buttons. You think you can push the button and start things all over again but then realize your life is too messed up to be restarted fresh!”
32.“A new year doesn’t come to change your life. It comes to remind you that one more year has gone and you’re still the same useless moron who thinks he can make his resolutions come true!”
33.“Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.”