58 Best Michael Scott Boss Quotes

Visit:1452   Updated: 2023/01/10

1.“Ryan’s about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I’m like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.”

2.“I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parents’ dream.”

3.“And I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do.”

4.“Number 8. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.”

5.“Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.”

6.“Hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go. ‘Cause of your butt.”

7.“I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candy Pams. And perhaps some Pam chops…with mint.”

8.“This morning I saw a YouTube video with a puppy riding a motorcycle. So my bar for stunning is pretty high.”

9.“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”

10.“Saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can’t say, but yes.”

11.“Friends joke with one another. Hey, you’re poor. Hey, your momma’s dead. That’s what friends do.”

12.“Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you’re in it.”

13.“Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don’t you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.”

14.“Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?”

15.“I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?”

16.“When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Ok?”

17.“I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms.”

18.“Fun fact: I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a perfect ice breaker if I ever meet Teri Hatcher.”

19.“Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for these people and they freak-out. Well happy birthday Jesus, sorry your party’s so lame.”

20.“I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by 40, but by 40, I had less money than I did when I was 30.”

21.“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”

22.“I know it’s illegal in Pennsylvania, but it’s for charity, and I consider myself a great philanderer.”

23.“I guess the attitude that I’ve tried to create here is that I’m a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.”

24.“You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one but fool me twice, strike three.”

25.“A great boss will say, ‘Hey, it’s my birthday. Celebrate yourselves, because you are the ones who made me great, and I will acknowledge your contributions with donuts.'”

26.“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”

27.“Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.”

28.“People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.”

29.“I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.”

30.“It takes you thirty seconds to brush your teeth? Wow, that’s ten times as long as it takes me.”

31.“This is where I fell in love with you, and this is where I ask you to marry me.”

32.“I learned a while back, that if I don’t text 911 people will not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because, they think that something horrible, has happened.”

33.“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.”

34.“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

35.“Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”

36.“You should never settle for who you are. Always go for better if it exists. Sometimes this is all there is to improve yourself.”

37.“Not necessary, the party planning committee is all over it. They’ve been working 24/7 all day yesterday.”

38.“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”

39.“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”

40.“Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.”

41.“You may look around and see two groups here: white-collar, blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”

42.“An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to… An office is a place where dreams come true.”

43.“I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate… no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it… Nike.”

44.“If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.”

45.“The only time I set the bar low is for limbo. Always keep the bar raised no matter what.”

46.“You know, sometimes to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star, incredibly far away. And our problems don’t matter to him because we’re just a distant point of light.”

47.“Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… No, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.”

48.“Mini-cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes? Which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?”

49.“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s not really a part of his family.”

50.“I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”

51.“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.”

52.“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”

53.“My philosophy is, basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or, or where you’ve been. Ever. For any reason. Whatsoever.”

54.“Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What’s better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents.”

55.“There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifling through them like crazy. And I grabbed one and it fit! So I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.”

56.“I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon.”

57.“Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.”

58.“When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids. And I got a really bad rash. From the pony. had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me, for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out, the pony was already in the truck and around the corner. So that was my worst birthday.”